Dave Barry

Although golf was originally restricted to wealthy, overweight Protestants, today it's open to anybody who owns hideous clothing. Klik for at sende dette citat til en ven
American consumers have no problem with carcinogens, but they will not purchase any product, including floor wax, that has fat in it. Klik for at sende dette citat til en ven
Auto racing is boring except when a car is going at least 172 miles per hour upside down. Klik for at sende dette citat til en ven
Bill Gates is a very rich man today .. and do you want to know why? The answer is one word: versions. Klik for at sende dette citat til en ven
Buying the right computer and getting it to work properly is no more complicated than building a nuclear reactor from wristwatch parts in a darkened room using only your teeth. Klik for at sende dette citat til en ven
Camping is nature's way of promoting the motel business. Klik for at sende dette citat til en ven
Cigarette sales would drop to zero overnight if the warning said "Cigarettes contain fat". Klik for at sende dette citat til en ven
'Escargot' is French for 'fat crawling bag of phlegm'. Klik for at sende dette citat til en ven
Experts agree that the best type of computer for your individual needs is one that comes on the market about two days after you actually purchase some other computer. Klik for at sende dette citat til en ven
Fishing is boring, unless you catch an actual fish, and then it is disgusting. Klik for at sende dette citat til en ven
For me, the worst part of playing golf, by far, has always been hitting the ball. Klik for at sende dette citat til en ven
Gravity is a contributing factor in nearly 73 percent of all accidents involving falling objects. Klik for at sende dette citat til en ven
Hobbies of any kind are boring except to people who have the same hobby. (This is also true of religion, although you will not find me saying so in print). Klik for at sende dette citat til en ven
I argue very well. Ask any of my remaining friends. I can win an argument on any topic, against any opponent. People know this, and steer clear of me at parties. Often, as a sign of their great respect, they don't even invite me. Klik for at sende dette citat til en ven
I believe that we parents must encourage our children to become educated, so they can get into a good college that we cannot afford. Klik for at sende dette citat til en ven
I realize that I'm generalizing here, but as is often the case when I generalize, I don't care. Klik for at sende dette citat til en ven
If a woman has to choose between catching a fly ball and saving an infant's life, she will choose to save the infant's life without even considering if there are men on base Klik for at sende dette citat til en ven
If God had wanted us to be concerned for the plight of the toads, he would have made them cute and furry. Klik for at sende dette citat til en ven
If you asked me to name the three scariest threats facing the human race, I would give the same answer that most peope would: nuclear war, global warming and Windows. Klik for at sende dette citat til en ven
If you surveyed a hundred typical middle-aged Americans, I bet you'd find that only two of them could tell you their blood types, but every last one of them would know the theme song from the 'Beverly Hillbillies'. Klik for at sende dette citat til en ven
If you want to take long walks, take long walks. If you want to hit things with a stick, hit things with a stick. But there's no excuse for combining the two and putting the results on TV. Golf is not so much a sport as insult to lawns. Klik for at sende dette citat til en ven
It always rains on tents. Rainstorms will travel thousands of miles, against prevailing winds for the opportunity to rain on a tent. Klik for at sende dette citat til en ven
It is a scientific fact that your body will not absorb cholesterol if you take it from another person's plate. Klik for at sende dette citat til en ven
I've gained a few pounds around the middle. The only lower-body garmets I own that still fit me comfortably are towels. Klik for at sende dette citat til en ven
Karate is a form of marital arts in which people who have had years and years of training can, using only their hands and feet, make some of the worst movies in the history of the world. Klik for at sende dette citat til en ven
Not all chemicals are bad. Without chemicals such as hydrogen and oxygen, for example, there would be no way to make water, a vital ingredient in beer. Klik for at sende dette citat til en ven
People who want to share their religious views with you almost never want you to share yours with them. Klik for at sende dette citat til en ven
Scientists now believe that the primary biological function of breasts is to make males stupid. Klik for at sende dette citat til en ven
Sharks are as tough as those football fans who take their shirts off during games in Chicago in Janurary, only more intelligent. Klik for at sende dette citat til en ven
Talking about golf is always boring. (Playing golf can be interesting, but not the part where you try to hit the little ball; only the part where you drive the cart). Klik for at sende dette citat til en ven
Technically, Windows is an "operating system," which means that it supplies your computer with the basic commands that it needs to suddenly, with no warning whatsoever, stop operating. Klik for at sende dette citat til en ven
The Internet is the most important single development in the history of human communication since the invention of call waiting. Klik for at sende dette citat til en ven
The leading cause of death among fashion models is falling through street grates. Klik for at sende dette citat til en ven
The problem with writing about religion is that you run the risk of offending sincerely religious people, and then they come after you with machetes. Klik for at sende dette citat til en ven
Thus the metric system did not really catch on in the States, unless you count the increasing popularity of the nine-millimeter bullet Klik for at sende dette citat til en ven
To an adolescent, there is nothing in the world more embarrassing than a parent. Klik for at sende dette citat til en ven
We journalists... are also extremely impressed with scientists, and we will, frankly, print just about any wacky thing they tell us, especially if it involves outer space. Klik for at sende dette citat til en ven
We operate under a jury system in this country, and as much as we complain about it, we have to admit that we know of no better system, except possibly flipping a coin. Klik for at sende dette citat til en ven
What I look forward to is continued immaturity followed by death. Klik for at sende dette citat til en ven
What Women Want: To be loved, to be listened to, to be desired, to be respected, to be needed, to be trusted, and sometimes, just to be held.
What Men Want: Tickets for the world series. Klik for at sende dette citat til en ven
Without question, the greatest invention in the history of mankind is beer. Oh, I grant you that the wheel was also a fine invention, but the wheel does not go nearly as well with pizza. Klik for at sende dette citat til en ven
You can say any fool thing to a dog, and the dog will give you this look that says, `My God, you're RIGHT! I NEVER would've thought of that!' Klik for at sende dette citat til en ven
You can say any foolish thing to a dog and the dog will give you a look that says, 'My God, you're right! I never would've thought of that!' Klik for at sende dette citat til en ven
Your modern teenager is not about to listen to advice from an old person, defined as a person who remembers when there was no Velcro. Klik for at sende dette citat til en ven

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